Rumor had it that Fifty Shades of Grey would generate a brand new baby boom that would surpass even the one created by World War II. While that remains to be seen, E.L. James' "mommie porn" novels have spawned a bizarre new fashion line--for babies. No, that's not a misprint. A new line of 50 Shades of Grey-inspired baby clothes has just hit the Internet. And probably a few select retail stores as well. However, before prudes and haters faint dead away after conjuring nightmarish visions of infants clad in black leather jammies, stilletto booties, and bondage harnesses with tiny detachable handcuffs, the novels' BDSM theme is manifested on the clothing only in the form of words. The outfits themselves are quite normal--tops, bibs, bonnets, jammies--all emblazoned with funny "Fifty Shades-inspired taglines."
"I'm the result of my Mommy reading Fifty Shades of Grey."
An identical white onesie conveys the same message a trifle more explicitly. "9 months ago," it reads, "my mommy read Fifty Shades of Gray."
Still another explicit message on a tiny sweatshirt top proclaims: "My mommy pretends Christian Grey is My Daddy."
Yikes. Does that mean Daddy pretends Mommy is Anastasia Steele?
Other catchy Fifty Shades-related phrases include a "Laters, Baby" onesie so called after Christian's signature phrase; a bright yellow bib stating "I'm 'LiL Blip' Thank you 50 Shades of Grey", and a "Generation Grey" tee-shirt that comes with a bizarre accessory--a tiny checkered/plaid tie. The little tie is a free gift. Presumably it's also a clip on.
Inevitably, the new line of 50 Shades of Grey-inspired infant wear has a lot of people all riled up. "Sickest ever...twisted...sooo wrong," and the always appropriate put-down--"inappropriate"-- are just a few of the derogatory terms used to describe the new fashion collection. Relax, people. Babies can't read. Duh. So the wee darlings won't be scarred by their erotically charged garments while they're wearing them. And if by chance they should someday see old pics of themselves dressed as Fifty Shades babes, hopefully, as adults, they'll be mature enough to appreciate and be amused by how truly and unbelievably bizarre the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon really was. Is. Whatever.
What do you think?
Photo Source: MTV
Â© Hope Carson 2012
Hope Carson is the author of 2 books: A Roaring Girl: An Interview with the Thinking Man's Hooker and A Thousand and One Night Stands: The Life of Jon Vincent. You can follow her on Twitter.